I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
