Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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