oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
