I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
