You just made me feel so damn special
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
