Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
