oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
