We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
