Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He did a backflip because drugs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
