This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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