I wish you could order shots online.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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