Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
