Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
