This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
