By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
