Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize