puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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