I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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