So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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