I wish you could order shots online.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
