Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
