I'm going to jail i love you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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