recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
