Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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