my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
