We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
