There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
