And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
