your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
