After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
