I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
