it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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