the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
