I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
