North Korea, Best Korea!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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