Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
