The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
