Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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