38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
