I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize