Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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