All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He shit in the fireplace
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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