You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
