When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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