the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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