i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
