so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
