I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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