walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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