I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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