5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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