i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She bit a glass in half.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize