So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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