We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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