I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
