i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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