Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
