I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
