The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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