he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
