Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
