She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
