apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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