so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
