woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
