Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
