i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
