I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
