I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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