He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
