Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
